10-2, 171.5! Playoff Preview!!
Well we made it. It's been a long windy bumpy road but here we are. The playoffs are upon us. We are different from most leagues. Most leagues won't start playoffs for a couple weeks. I think our format is superior for a couple reasons and this season showed why. Our regular seasons matters WAY more than a regular season with 14 games. It might seem that the 2 extra games don't mean much but a 12 game regular season leaves NO room for error. Ask AC Slater about that. The 2 week doubleheader playoff format makes upsets less likely. I'm not a big fan of putting everyone in the playoffs and having 1 game elimination matches where anything can happen. Championships mean more when it takes more to get there. It means more when the truly best teams are going at it. Our format assures that will happen the best we possibly can! There are 3 notable achievements worth mentioning in Week 12. JP 33 Cent defeated Lizard Ethan Madden 91.5-61.5 to improve his record to 10-2. This is notable for 2 reasons. First off Congrats to Jeremy on his 10 win season! This our first 10 win season since 2009. The environment around here has certainly changed since then. There are no more Joe Gairbay's or Del Sucko's in this league! I'll get to the 2nd reason shortly. I have to give props to Billy for putting it in my ass 171.5-95.5 and calling his shot in advance. I think the 171.5 points may be some kind of record. It's a score that may not have been seen for at least 5 years like Jeremy's 10 wins. I don't even really know how to react to a beating like that. I mean Jesus man, do you want to kick my fucking dog while you're at it? Nick Dogg can you help? How do you cope with a beating like this? The last reason Week 12 was notable is a sad one. Unfortunately we may have seen the demise of one of our original GM's to the point he may have to be replaced. Lizard put up a dismal 61.5 points and has miraculously thrust himself into the Depodesta race. To think that Nick Dogg could have "lost" the Depodesta 2 weeks ago would have been like thinking the sun rises in the west. To be fair if Big Riz said it rose in the east that's what I would believe. Lizard, we all miss you man, we all love you. We wan't to hang again someday but we need more of a commitment. This is the 3rd season in a row where you have seemed to have had a decent team to start and have seemingly given up on your team. If we have to replace you we want you to know it isn't personal at all. We understand you have a family now and may not have time for this. The main thing this league has going for us is that all GM's are active every week. I don't feel the same for you. 2 great examples this season are Ed and Zeke. Ed got off to the worst start ever and had even worse luck. He battled all year and is now going for the Melo instead of the Sucka Ass. I'm proud of this league knowing that this matters that much to him. Same thing with Zeke. Talk about dealing with distractions. Zeke literally didn't have internet capacity compared to us. He still competed all season. Kurt if you read this we all miss you! Give me a call if you want to talk about this. WOW!!! Good God, talk about some emo garbage!! That shit was necessary. I really can't think of another way. On to the good stuff! The PLAYOFFS!!! I have to give another shout out to Billy again for predicting the playoffs correctly. Then again I also predicted the same participants the week prior. So we have (1)10-2 JP 33 Cent vs (4)7-5 Super Ducks and (2)9-3 Wooo Broncos! vs (3)7-5 Folsom Goodness. I do have to say the road to these playoffs was not very exciting compared to the chaos we normally have. Only AC had a real shot of making it Week 12 outside the teams that made it. Slater suffered a heart wrenching loss to Brass Balls Nucks who also ended my season in Week 10. Here's a breakdown of the matchups! JP 33 Cent vs Super Ducks- It is fair to say JP knows my bro as well as anyone in our league. Maybe Nieve or Kurt, not sure. Unfortunately the Super Ducks GM lives in the shadows or deep in the pond as far as this league is concerned. To break down this matchp would be tough for me. It's my bro vs my ni**a. That's right I said it. With **'s! JP is to me what Tyrese was to Paul Walker in 2 Fast 2 Furious! AH HAAA!!!! Your pockets ain't empty cuh! And you won't be houngry no mo neither with another Artest! #rippaulwalker! The records don't tell the story here. The Ducks have outscored Cent slightly despite having 3 more losses. Super Ducks had their 2nd worst game of the season when these teams played in Week 9. They showed they can turn it around in a 2 week format by beating Folsum Goodness in Week 12 to make the playoffs. This one could go either way. Cent is the obvious favorite as the 1 seed. Wooo Broncos! vs Folsom Goodness- This is a matchup of a 2 TKE's. One being honorary like myself, Lizard, Big Show, Roy Jones Jr, Ron Jeremy, Willie Nelson, Elvis and Aaron Rodgers! So surprise, surprise. Folsom is back in the playoffs defending his Artest with his auto-drafted team! Has anyone else around here noticed that the tallest, most athletic, most successful, best with the ladies, best family man, best looo...uhhhmmm well you all know what I'm getting at. Folsom is that guy we all hated in high school and now he's killing us with auto-draft. Who let this guy in!? LOL!! Big Kev has been knocking on Artest's door year after year. Normally I'm against The Pipe and all things Bronco. This season I'm rooting for Kevin the 1st Round. Wooo Broncos! vs Super Ducks would be an ideal matchup for me. That way it assures there won't be a 2 time Artest winner. Let alone a repeat. A Folsom Goodness repeat may be more impressive than my 3-Peat in our 1st 3 years during the Dat Dat Train era. I'm not sure how I would handle that! It's been a long and emotional writeup already so I'll wrap it up. The playoff races are only 1/3 of the story. We also have the Melo Cup and Sucka Ass Banner to award! Those races deserve some time as well but the 2 week playoff formats leave plenty of time for writing. As usual the Melo looks like a field that should be playing for the Artest with (5)7-5 AC Slater playing (8)5-7 Bluffwood Chinchillas and (6)6-6 Cracka2Hi The Empire vs (7)6-6 Brass Nucks. The 2nd and 4th highest scoring and 2 most iconic teams are in this bracket with BTG and myself. I'm not sure us having a yearly showdown for the Melo is best for business but that's what the 4 of us are playing for this year! Nieve World Peace managed to sneak into the Sucka Ass bracket at 5-7 and seems like the odds on favorite to win over 4-8 American Infadels, 3-9 Lizard Lepper Ethan Madden and 3-9 Compton Mike Jones. Some experts have speculated that Nieve tanked the last couple games so he could be in race for the 1st pick. Rumor has it he wants to lock up Ray Rice like he should have been locked up for KOing his wife. Shockingly the Depodesta is up for grabs in this bracket. If Nick Dogg finishes ahead of Lizard after beating him in the regular season it would be hard to give the award to Nick Dogg. Like I always want to. Well that's it for this week. Good luck everyone! Our league may not play for money but we play for trophies! They are on the line now. It's Artest Season! WOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Round 1, Week 2.
The big downfall of our playoff format is the excitement ends early this league. Sometimes I think it’s too early. This week was a good example of why. Nieve picks up TO, Tebow and Ray Rice on waivers and not even an lol in the lounge. A GM most likely got kicked out of the league and not a peep. While I do love the format most of our league seems to mail it in from here. The addition of the Melo Cup and 1st Pick going to the winner of the Sucka Ass Banner haven’t seemed to help. Oh well it’ still worth writing about!
The Artest bracket has one good game going and one that has the look of a runaway. JP 33 Cent is beating Super Ducks 119.5-110. As we all know a 9.5 point lead means nearly nothing in fantasy football….unless Jeremy wins by 9.5 or less! Folsom keeps rolling right along and looks like a lock to be in the finals for the 2nd straight year. The Pipe has been firm all season but has seem to gone soft at the worst possible time. Timing always seems to be an issue for the Pipe this time of year. I think that was first joke about the Pipe pertaining to timing. Surprised there are still bullets in that chamber!
If you did not make the playoffs and are not familiar with our playoff format for places 5-12 it’s actually quite exciting! Please see the important information in the post titled “2014 post season” on the message board!
The Melo bracket also has a decent game and a blowout. It’s not really Daniel’s fault he’s getting blown out by Billy. AC Slater would be in range of any other team with 94.5 points. I’m not sure what got into the Chinchillas. It’s too bad they didn’t get it into themselves earlier in the season. BTG has scored 330 points the last 2 games. Billy is most likely the hottest team in the history of the league. I just hope he cools off before a potential 2nd Round matchup! The Empire is beating Brass Nucks 119.5-102.5. I wish I could have had this score in Week 10! 17.5 is a good sized lead but this is far from over.
The Sucka Ass bracket is the one to watch! Last Place Compton Mike Jones leads 9th Seed Nieve World Peace 106-95. Some of you may have given up on the season but Nieve has not! Steve does face an 11 point deficit but seems likely to overcome it with his recent additions. The heart and faith of Tebow, the raw skill, talent and ghettoness of TO and the fear that Ray Rice’s presence will put into all of his opponents player’s wives should be enough to get the job done. I think I just made my first Ray Rice joke that was actually creative!
The 2nd matchup in the Sucka Ass bracket is pivotal. Lepper Ethan Madden is leading American Infidels 113-100.5. The sun may be setting on Lizard in this league. Honestly I think the fire burned out a few years ago. If the scores stay the way they are now Lizard would advance to play Nick Dogg in his last ever games in our league. That would be a cruel bit of irony. I can’t think of a worse way to go out of this league than losing out to Nick Dogg and taking the Depodesta with you. If that doesn't motivate you I don’t know what could. If anything I would try to tank this week and lose to Zeke just make sure that didn’t happen. Well either way the games in the Sucka Ass bracket are the best games so they got 2 paragraphs this week!
League Manager Poll
Most likely to make a comback? Can Daniel come back from down 158.5-94.5 to Billy?
14% Daniel/AC Slater (1 vote)
0% Hammer Pants (0 votes)
14% Zack Morris hair (1 vote)
0% Prince (0 votes)
0% Mustaches in any month but November (0 votes)
0% Pogs (0 votes)
14% Ray Rice as a guest on the View (1 vote)
0% Adrian Peterson to a Tutor Time (0 votes)
0% CM Punk to WWE (0 votes)
57% Daniel has as good a chance as a 1 legged man in an ass kicking competition* (4 votes)
Pipe vs Ducks! Both teams can’t buckle this time.
A new champ will be crowned! It is a new day in this league. This will be the 3rd consecutive season with a 1st time winner. That has never happened before. This is a battle of the 2 best GM’s never to win an Artest. The winner of this one will join the elite. The loser will be in a very lonely place and have to wonder if they will ever win the big one. The loser of this will be like the Bills in the 90’s. It would be impossible to find 2 GM’s who have had more success in this league in recent years. As far as resume goes, I’m calling this the biggest Championship matchup ever.
Big Kev has been in the playoffs 4 straight seasons and was the runner up in 2012 and 2011. This season marks his 3rd Championship game in 4 years. It wasn’t easy for the Pipe and he nearly became re-branded as the Pool Noodle. With a huge lead heading into Week 2 of his first round matchup defending Champion Folsom Goodness posted a picture mocking The Pipe on Big Kev’s FB wall. This was deleted in about 10 seconds. At first I thought it was a cowardly move by The Pipe and the Pool Noodle moniker was going to be his moving forward. Instead the rare instance of trash talk in this league backfired. It was Bryan’s team that showed up with the type of effort the 49ers played with last Sunday when they lost to the Raiders. Bryan's attempt at trash talking the Pipe folded like the Argentine Army in 82. Perhaps Bryan is the Pool Noodle to Kevin's Pipe!
The Super Ducks roared back to win as well. This wasn’t much of a comeback as the game was close headed to Week 2, but the Ducks weren’t quacking. They were roaring. It was clear early this wasn’t going to end well for 33 Cent. With a league high 160 points scored in Week 2 The Ducks ended the 1st Round with a resounding 40 point victory. JP deserved better finishing 3rd in Round 1 scoring with 230.5 points. Jeremy easily outscored Big Kev and Bryan but those are the highs and lows of a matchup format. I feel your pain Saint. If it weren’t for luck I’d win em all.
Daniel has enjoyed just as much success in this league as Kevin in recent years. Last season was as bitter as it can get for the Ducks. They won the regular season then had their team have their 2 lowest scores in the Championship game. This was not new for them as they have been in the playoffs 4 out of the last 5 years and also won the regular season in 2010 as well. Big Kev hopes to make Daniel join him as the only GM ever to lose 2 consecutive championship games. If Round 1 is any indication it will be an uphill climb for the Pipe. No that isn’t a riddle. There is no penis joke there.
Well, Well, Well! Lookie what we have in the Melo Bracket! As far as rematches for a 2nd rate trophy go it doesn’t get any bigger than this. This would be like watching Kentucky play Duke in back to back NIT Championships! Who else could I be talking about but myself and BTG! Cracka2Hi The Empire and Bluffwood Chinchillas would trump the Championship matchup in terms of magnitude….if only it were a championship matchup. Once upon a time one of these teams won 5 Artests and the other had a record 11 wins. You could say these teams used to be like Notre Dame and USC. Now they are like...well, Notre Dame and USC. Billy is the team to watch here. They cooled off a bit last week but they have averaged 151.5 points the last 3 weeks. If they play like that even the once mighty Empire couldn’t beat them. That said. I’ll call my shot. I repeat and the Melo stays right where it belongs on my dresser!
The Sucka Ass Banner final will also be dramatic. The matchup is 9th seeded Nieve World Peace against 11th seed Lepper Ethan Madden. Both GM’s are interesting for different reasons. I still can’t get over the HUGE moves made by Nieve a couple weeks ago. TO couldn’t make the cut but I fully expect Tim Tebow and Ray Rice to continue leading this team to the promise land. Or handcuffs depending on who they follow. Is this Lizard’s last game in the league? Before last week I would have said yes. Kurt did show some signs of life last week. Most people will be watching this one to see if we get a final determination of Lizard’s status for next season. The ball is in his court all we need is a yes I still want to play and will try a little harder next season posted on the message board. Others will tune in to see how long it takes for Ray Rice to bitch slap Tebow’s ass back to Church.
It’s been a great season as always. Good luck to our finalists. And our “finalists” in the case of the Melo and Sucka Ass. I will leave you with this!
NICK DOGG WINS THE DEPODESTA!
